Even in death
by Morbidmuch
Summary: Set after 'Elephant's Memory'. Something tragic happens. ReidOC. I suck at summaries, but please read the story


AN: Okay, so this is just a short one shot I found myself writing last weekend. Rated M for mention of Rape and suicide.

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, only the original characters.

* * *

**Even in death**

Reid was studying the case file when his cellphone started to ring. The team all looked at him, and he scrambled out of his seat. "Sorry," he mumbled before going outside the room, answering the call at the same time. "Hello?"

"Spencer Reid?" the voice on the other end of the line asked.

"Yes, that's me. May I ask who's calling?"

"This is Nurse Joplin from the South General hospital. We have a patient here who has you listed as the emergency contact,"

Reid frowned. "Who?"

"Her name is Carrie Cassidy,"

Reid felt his blood run cold. "What's happened?"

"I think it's best for you to come in, the doctor will be able to give you more information,"

"Off course, I'll be right there," Reid rushed back into the conference room, earning surprised looks from everybody.

"Who was it?" Morgan inquired to know, and Reid talked while grabbing his bag.

"Carrie's in the hospital, I don't know why," looking up at Hotch, he silently asked for permission to leave. Seeing his boss nod, Reid walked out as fast as he could. He almost ran to his car, causing by-passers to look strangely at him.

He was normally a very calm and careful driver, but now he drove right below the speed-limit the entire way. When he arrived at the hospital after what felt like a million years, he rushed into the emergency room and walked up to the desk.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for a patient named Carrie Cassidy?"

"Take a seat and I'll be with you in a moment," the receptionist replied, and Reid felt anger boil up inside of him.

He held up his badge. "Where is she?"

The receptionist looked at it before picking up the phone. "Dr Elliot? There is a Spencer Reid here who wants to see Carrie Cassidy, should I send him up?"

Reid were only moments away from snapping at the recepionist to hurry up when she hung up the phone.

"Second floor, room 213,"

Reid walked up to the second floor, drying off his sweaty palms on his pants. Once he was standing in the corridor he looked around, not sure where to go. He wanted to talk to a doctor before seeing Carrie. Luckily, he saw a red haired woman who he assumed was a doctor, and walked nervously up to her. Looking down at her name tag, he observed that she was Dr. Elliot.

"Excuse me, do you know where I can find Carrie Cassidy's doctor?"

She looked up when she heard his voice and frowned. "Who are you?"

"I'm Dr Spencer Reid, Carrie's boyfriend,"

"So you're the famous Spencer Reid," she said, and Reid raised an eyebrow. "The only thing we've managed to get out of Carrie is your name. To every question we asked her the answer she gave was your name."

"Can you tell me what's happened to her?"

"She came in about half an hour ago. An old woman who was walking her dog found her. She's not in a good condition,"

Reid sensed that the doctor was stalling, purposely not telling him everything. "What. Happened." He said through clenched teeth, and Dr. Elliot sighed.

"She's been raped,"

Reid gasped.

"And it looks like we've got more than one rapist,"

"How," Reid swallowed the lump in his throat. "How bad is it?"

Dr Elliot sighed again. This was by far the worst case of rape she'd ever seen, and she wasn't sure on when or even if Carrie would bounce back from it. "She's been brutally raped both vaginally and anally by what appears to be multiple men and done repeatedly. The police is on the way, they're sending a female detective to do the rape kit. Do you want to see her before we begin?"

Reid nodded, and Dr Elliot showed him to the room where Carrie was. As he stood in the doorway, he felt like crying. Carrie was laying on her back, staring blankly at the wall. Her brown hair was sticking out in every direction, and he could see her hands fidgeting on top of the covers. "Carrie," he called out softly, taking a careful step in to the room. She made no signs that she had heard him, so he took another step. "Carrie, darling, do you hear me?"

A minute in silence passed, and then she spoke. "I called out for you," her voice was so weak that he nearly missed it.

"What did you say?" he was standing by her bed now, looking down at her.

Carrie lifted her head and looked at her lover through teary eyes. "I called out for you. When they," she swallowed hard. "When they raped me, I called out for you. I called out for you and you never came!" the last part came as a cry of anguish. In a rapid movement, she got up from the bed and started to hit him in the chest with her fists, crying the whole time.

"Carrie, calm down. Calm down," Reid called out to her, holding her arms to her side, trying to calm her down. After a few minutes her sobs and blows became weaker and weaker until he could wrap her in his arms.

"Dr Reid, the police is here now," came Dr Elliot's voice from the doorway, and Reid looked up.

"Carrie? There's a police woman here now, she needs to examine you. You think you're up for it?"

Carrie pulled away and nodded. "I think so," she got back into bed, and Reid motioned for the female cop to come in. As he turned to leave, Carrie's grip on his hand stopped him. "Please don't go."

He nodded, and walked back to her side. "I won't go," he held her hand through the examination, dying a little bit inside every time another tear would drip onto her hospital gown. Once it was all over, Carrie's doctor told Reid to come back in the morning, when Carrie would be released.

"It's Reid," Morgan said as he phone started to ring. Answering, he looked at the others. "Hey Reid, what's going on?"

The shock was evident on his face, and he only said three more words before hanging up. "We'll get them," he looked at the team. "Carrie's been raped."

Both Emily and JJ gasped, Rossie looked shocked at Morgan and Hotch looked even more stern than usual.

"We're taking on her case. We don't do any other cases until this is solved," Hotch said, and everybody nodded before leaving, all going in separate directions.

* * *

It had been two months. Two months of which Reid had been woken up every night by Carrie's screams, and two months of watching her fall apart. The physical evidence of the rape had healed, but the psychic ones were still as fresh as the day of the attack. She had quit her job, stopped talking to all of her friends, and had eventually stopped eating. In addition to the stress he faced at work, Reid got extra stress at home, taking care of Carrie.

"Hey Reid, wake up,"

Reid sat up and looked dazed around the room. He was sitting by his desk writing reports, and had obviously fallen asleep. "What?"

Morgan looked shocked at the black eye the younger agent was sporting. "What happened to you, man?"

Reid lightly touched the bruise, flinching as his fingers came in contact with the area. "She had a bad one last night. I stayed up with her till 4, then she fell asleep again."

Morgan looked seriously at his friends. "Reid, you can't do this anymore,"

"What do you mean?" Reid said, suddenly very interested in the papers on his desk.

"Taking care of Carrie. It's too much for you."

"She doesn't have anyone else," Reid shot back.

"Have you considered putting her in a home?"

Reid looked up, anger filling his eyes. "Do you actually think I'd do that? As soon as she gets a bit difficult, send her off to a loony house? I won't do it...not again,"

Both agents knew that Reid was referring to his mother, and the fact that he had sent her off to a mental institution.

"Take it easy, I wasn't saying-"

Reid stood up, roused by the argument. "I know what you were saying, and I'm so pissed at you right now, man!" with those words he ran off, leaving a stunned Morgan behind.

He looked after his friend until his phone rang. Checking the I.D, he was slitghtly surprised to see that it was Garcia. "What do you want baby-girl?"

"This might be nothing and I may be paranoid..." Garcia started, sounding nervous.

"Yeah?" Morgan urged her to continue.

"I just called home to Reid to talk to Carrie, but there's no one answering,"

"It's probably nothing, but thanks for telling me,"

"Mmhh, bye,"

Morgan stood up and followed the path Reid had went. He found the young genius in the kitchenette, leaning against the counter. "Reid, did Carrie say she was going somewhere today?"

Reid frowned. "No, why?"

"Garcia just called your apartment, there's no one answering,"

"I gotta get home, tell Hotch I'll be back," Reid said and then rushed out, almost running. Down to the garage, into his car. Driving above the speed limit this time, he was nearly frantic with worry. He knew that Carrie had become more and more depressed, but hadn't thought about her doing something stupid.

When he came to his apartment he rushed in, slamming the door behind him. "Carrie?!" he called out and rushed into their bedroom. The sheets on the bed were twisted in every direction, but there was no sign of Carrie. "Carrie, where are you?" when he still didn't receive an answer, he turned wide-eyed towards the closed bathroom door. "Carrie?" he called out again, hoping to see her come out from the bathroom with a smile one her face. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Walking to the bathroom door, he paused outside. Then he twisted the doorknob, opened the door, and stood there for what seemed like hours.

There was candles on virtually every surface, some of them burned out and some still burnig, casting a warm glow to the cold room. The bathtub was full of water…red water. Carrie was laying inside, naked and pale…and dead. On top of the toilet seat tank, there was an envelope with his name marked on it. His mouth opened in shock, disbelieving what he was seeing.

Numb, he took out his cellphone and dialed 911. When the friendly voice on the other side answered, it took him a few seconds to register it. "My girlfriend had commited suicide," giving her his address, he then ended the call. The next number he dialed was Morgan's.

"Hold on, I'm gonna put you on speaker. Was she there?" Morgan asked, sounding worried.

"She, uh, she..." he swallowed hard, the lump in his throat bigger than ever.

"She what?" JJ said, sounding as worried as Morgan, if not more. Garcia, JJ, Emily and Carrie had become friends, despite that they couldn't meet as often as they wanted.

"She's killed herself. She slashed her wrists," Reid finally managed to get out, his voice disturbingly flat, and he could hear a wail like cry. Probably from Garcia.

"Don't move or touch anything, we'll come as soon as we can," Morgan instructed, and then ended the call.

Reid let the phone slip from his fingers and crash to the floor, breaking in a million pieces. Then he slid down against the wall, still staring at Carrie's naked body. Her eyes were closed, and her hair was floating around her head. All he could think about was that Carrie, the love of his life and his reason to live, had killed herself. She couldn't live with the pain anymore. They had never caught the men who raped her, and when Carrie had found out she had become even more depressed.

"Reid?" came Morgan's voice from the living-room, but Reid couldn't find his voice, so he just sat there and waited. Hearing footsteps approach, he looked up when he saw Morgan, Garcia and JJ standing in the doorway, looking over at Carrie's dead body. Both Garcia and JJ was crying, and Morgan looked like he'd just gotten the biggest shock of his life.

"I already called the paramedics, they're on their way," Reid said quietly, and his three friends turned to look at him.

"Oh Spence," JJ said, and practically threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around him and crying into his shoulder. "Come on, let's go to the living-room." She sniffed, and stood up. Together, Morgan and JJ managed to get Reid up to his feet and into the living-room, where they sat him down on the couch.

Looking around, Reid saw everything in a fog, like he was watching from the other side of stained glass. He could see Morgan pace around the room, clearly wanting to hit something. He could see JJ sit with her face in her hands, crying. He could see Garcia, who was staring numbly at the open bathroom door, silent tears falling from her eyes and landing in black pools on her hands.

Reid was numb. He couldn't feel anything. He was vaguely aware that the paramedics had come, along with Hotch, Rossi and Emily. Still, he didn't feel anything. Not his heart beating, not aware of his breathing. Nothing. He was numb.

"Has he said anything?" Hotch asked Morgan as he looked at Reid.

"Only that he had called the paramedics. He's still in shock," they both looked at the young agent. "She left this for him." Morgan said and handed Hotch the envelope with Reid's name scribbled in Carrie's neat handwriting. Hotch accepted it, and looked at it for a second before he walked over to Reid, sitting down in front of him.

"Reid, she left this for you, do you want to read it?" Hotch asked, and Reid looked at his boss, his eyes now focusing.

"Please," he muttered. "Please read it to me."

Hotch opened the envelope and took out a white sheet of paper. He cleared his throat before reading the two sentences on the paper. "It's not your fault. I'm sorry,"

"I was gonna ask her to marry me," Reid said quietly, and Hotch looked shocked at him. "The day when she got raped, I was going to ask her to marry me."

Once they had come to pick up the body, Reid had told the team that he wanted some time alone. Reluctantly they had left, leaving Reid to his solitude. As he stepped into the bathroom, the only evidence that it had been filled with blood mixed water was a thin red line around the drain. Looking down at it, Reid couldn't bring himself to clean it up. It was as if he was still clinging to every reminder of Carrie he could, even the ones from her death.

Turning on his heels, he walked into their bedroom, where the sheets were still twisted from the nightmare Carrie had last night. He sat down on the bed, and then reached for her nightgown. The green silk felt cool against his fingers and when he brought it up to his face to inhale her scent, he was suddenly overwhelmed by memories. Going to bed and holding on to each other until they fell asleep; sliding the silky material off her sweaty body; feeling her quiver under his touch.

Then, suddenly, something in him snapped. All the shock, anger and frustration he had been carrying for the past two months came out all at once. His eyes teared up and he started to sob into Carrie's nightgown. His body shook with the force of his sobs and his tears leaked through the flimsy material. Fighting to take control over his breathing, Reid lay down, still sobbing. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore and his eyes were red and puffy. Picking up the picture of the two of them that was standing on the nightstand, Reid traced Carrie's cheek with his fingertip. "I'll love you till I die." He whispered, another tear sliding down his face.

It was sunny on her funeral. It seemed out of place. It wasn't supposed to be nice weather on funerals, it was supposed to rain. But it didn't. The sun was shining, birds were singing and a light breeze touched the trees, causing the branches to dance. It was overall a beautiful day, but for the small group of people who stood under a big oak tree, it might as well'd been raining. Only Reid, Hotch, JJ, Garcia, Morgan, Emily and Rossi were present. Carrie's parents had died years prior and she had been an only child.

_Flashback_

"_I don't want her to be afraid," Reid said, near tears, and Hotch put a comforting hand on his shoulder._

"_She won't be afraid anymore, I promise,"_

"_Please, just..." Reid swallowed the lump in his throat. "Can you promise me they'll put it in?"_

_Hotch looked down at the flashlight Reid was holding out towards him, and accepted it. Then he nodded. "I promise," _

_End flashback_

Reid looked down as the white casket was lowered into the ground. Memories of digging his own grave in Georgia resurfaced, but he refused to give in to them. Holding up the single red rose he'd brought, he kissed it. "Goodbye," he whispered, and then threw the rose onto the casket.

The funeral was over quickly, and one after the other, the team members started to leave. Hotch gave Reid a pat on the shoulder; Rossi just looked at him; JJ gave him a light hug, whispering that everything would be okay; Morgan told his friend not to do anything stupid and Garcia gave him a bone crushing hug, crying into his ear that she would always be there for him.

Reid didn't reply to what they said, didn't move, didn't show any sign that he had heard or even understood what they had said. He stood by her grave until it got dark, until you could no longer read the inscription on her grave stone. He didn't need to, he had memorised it. "Carrie Cassidy," he mumbled. "born April 22nd 1983, dead April 20th 2008. The hardest thing in this world is to live in it."

Turning around he made to leave, but something stopped him. Standing a few feet away from him was Carrie. But not the depressed, sick Carrie she had been since the rape. No, this was the Carrie from when they first met. Her eyes held more life in them, and she was smilling. She was wearing the pink dress she'd been wearing to his 25th birthday party and her wavy brown hair moved slightly in the breeze. Looking at her, Reid felt tears return to his eyes, and he took a step forwards. Her frame started to fade out, until there was nothing left. Her laughter however, echoed through the cemetery, and Reid sighed. Then he started to walk towards his car, his head held high and the ghost of a smile on his face. He knew now that she was okay, that she didn't suffer anymore.

THE END

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I borrow (with permission) the flashlight idea from Rainaparker, so the credit fot that goes to her. Also, the quote on Carrie's gravestone is the property of Joss Whedon.


End file.
